We Do These Funny Things

- I went to Atlantic City this weekend, she said.
- Oh really? He said. With who? And why?
- Alone. And just because. I wanted to get away. I wanted to watch tv and relax. But I couldn’t sleep, even though I really tried, so I just sort of wandered around the casino in the hotel and watched people play the slots.
- That sounds lonely.
- It kind of was and kind of wasn’t. It was ok, actually. I’m glad I did it.
- Do you miss me? he said.
- No.
- Not at all?
- Maybe a little. I miss who you were the first month I knew you. But I don’t miss you now.

On The Bus

Highly unattractive man to his equally unattractive friend:

Don't worry about it, man. This was my father’s advice: You know if you’re out with a woman and she’s afraid to eat, she’s bad news.

Heat-Induced Anxiety Dreams

Heat-Induced Anxiety Dream #57
- You are responsible for creating a new program for Google called “Jade.” This reminds you of your favorite joke from The 40 Year Old Virgin – “Be David Caruso in Jade.” You tell your colleagues this joke at a staff meeting and nobody laughs.

Heat-Induced Anxiety Dream #59
- The coworker you eat lunch with every day emails to tell you she no longer wants to eat with you, ever again. Your response : “Are you breaking up with me?”

Simple Thoughts

Some people are so cheery and make everything better. Some people are so negative, and make everything a drag.